"Pssst. Hey Man, Got a Loaf?"

I started this blog post three times, with the first one following my appointment with the neurologist on March 7. I kept stopping and restarting, unsure of what I wanted to say, but absolutely certain about what I didn't.

I had a very brief break from symptoms in November, so I am not sure that they have truly gone away, despite my dietary efforts, which of course, usurps my efforts. Why should I deny myself that rare slice of Grimaldi's Pizza if I am just funking up my words and walking into walls anyway. At least then I would have some enjoyment to my potentially-scary-because-it-is-invisible-to-me autoimmune attacks. Shouldn't a constant battle with MS symptoms since August 1, 2015 yield some time of reward for my sunny disposition? Don't I deserve that homemade taco with a side of wild basmati rice? Or 5?

Eventually, I cave. The only problem is that I learned long ago, during my 100-plus-pound-weight-loss-just-to-regain-almost-half-of-it journey that I am one of the most carbohydrate-sensitive people on the planet with an extremely hostile digestive track. Luckily, I have never been a big sugar eater, and very rarely consume sweets or soda. But bread, on the other hand, fresh baked bread. Hard, crunchy rolls with soft centers, dense, ancestral sheets of imported pumpernickel, or even a crispy slice of baguette drizzled with garlic, basil, and extra-virgin olive oil are my sinful treats. I like my occasional slice of bread, and I see no reason why I shouldn't have it in those moments.

Except that I usually feel awfully sick afterward. I usually eat a slice of gluten-free bread a few times a week, but in order to see if my diet can truly make a difference, I feel like I need to have a better than 80% average on my diet. I need an A. I have standards!

My neurologist does not think that there is any cause for concern yet. Although my symptoms have spread to the other side of my body, they aren't considered new. When I have my next MRI series in September, I will truly see if I have had any new lesions or if the scarring or disease has progressed. Yay.

So, what did I learn from all of this? What did I not want to say? I have to stop eating bread (after I finish the rest of the gluten-free, organic loaf in the freezer. Maybe.). Gluten-free bread is my gateway drug to a Jimmy John's or a pumpernickel sliced topped with braunschweiger. I won't feel like I did everything that I could do at the beginning of my diagnosis if I don't do all that I can right now to become the most healthful person I can be, emotionally, physically, and existentially.

I also have learned that I cannot extend so much energy on non-essentials and other people. I am going to have to start re-prioritizing and letting things go. In honor of Nancy Reagan, it is time for me to “Just Say No!” to that which is not 100% beneficial to my health.

#aubagio #ms