"Happy Diseasiversary to Me!"

Initially, my plan was to update my blog in July, after seeing my neurologist, or on the anniversary of my first major symptoms, August 1. Both occasions, I sat down in front of the computer, glass of Pinot in hand, only to stare blankly at the cursor on the screen. Fingers gently cradled in my lap.

Today, I decided to try once again, only to realize that tomorrow is the one year anniversary of this blog and the day that, finally, a doctor confirmed that I might have MS. I never thought that hearing that I may have an incurable autoimmune disease would be such a relief! Yet, almost one year later, I am actually grateful for the lessons that MS has taught me thus far:

Lesson 1: Make Self-Care the Number 1 Priority

In Deadline, a YA novel written by Chris Crutcher, a therapist tells the protagonist that the best piece of mental health advice is given every time people fly: put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others. MS has forced me to live by this principle for the last year. Before, I was more of a put-on-your-mask-last-sacrificing-yourself-for-everyone-else type of woman. I guess that is a side-effect of thirteen years of Catholic school with a dead man on a cross hanging over your head. I no longer put the needs of those who do not matter before my own.

Lesson 2: You Are What You Eat

If I eat certain foods, many symptoms return or get worse. Period. I am actually surprised that I was able to say good bye to cheese. After all, Wisconsin cheddar is in my DNA! But, I hate my aphasic word blends even more. While I do still indulge in dairy occasionally, I have found that Daiya and other substitutes satisfy my cheese tooth without triggering an attack. I am a highly-sensitive individual, and so I need to treat my body accordingly, beginning with mitochondrial level.

Lesson 3: Sleep Often and Deeply

I was typically someone who slept around six hours a night, and woke up feeling energized. At least that is what I thought. But the truth is that I just hated going to sleep. A side effect of years 0-15, I was afraid to go to bed at night. Now, if I get less than seven hours of sleep, my symptoms get worse. Over the last year, I have added an hour or two to my sleep schedule every night. Some weekends, I have slept over nine hours. My symptoms usually abate relatively quickly after catching up on sleep.

Lesson 4: Live Your Dreams Every Day

This lesson was definitely a combination of my diagnosis and my mother's sudden death. When I was first diagnosed, she mentioned that she would hopefully be long gone before I experienced any debilitating symptoms, if any. I didn't expect that to only be a six-month window. As a result, I have rededicated myself to making room for that which I enjoy. I have reduced my workload, and by the end of the year, will have relinquished one of my leadership positions at my college. I have committed myself to my art, my writing, and the general making of merry.

Lesson 5: Dance

Dancing was my first love. I still have photos of me in my leotard and leggings dancing to my Disney's Jungle Book record. I lacked both the self-esteem and income to pursue dance lessons as a child, specifically ballet. The one weekend I met my sperm-donor of a biological father, at the age of six, he promised me ballet lessons. He also vowed to see me again. Neither happened. The last year, I have made the commitment to celebrate mobility as I dance daily, whether in my office, my kitchen, or my Zumba class. I do not take for granted my ability to move my body in rhythmic ways while standing strongly on my own two feet.

And I start a Ballet I class on Tuesday.

Happy Diseasiversary to Me!

I do not know what the next year holds, and with MS, the first few years are usually the largest indicator of how the disease will progress, but I am still cheerfully optimistic. I am scheduled for my annual MRI series next month. Finger, toes, and appendages are crossed that there are not any new lesions present. If there are, I'll keep dancing anyway.

#mri #ms #diet